I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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