shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
