so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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