I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I will pee on everything he values.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
