as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
