if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
