hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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