Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
