it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
