Betty ford says i'm here all night
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
