I feel great
I just peed on a car
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
