Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
