I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
