What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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