you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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