Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
