I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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