Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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