...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
