i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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