So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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