she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
