You smell like a Billy Joel song
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
