East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
