I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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