She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
