I wish I only lived at night.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
