no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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