thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
