You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
