Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
