It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
