I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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