I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
