My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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