the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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