Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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