I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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