i think i have herpe
just one?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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