We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
