You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
