bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Pooping to opera.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
