You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
