Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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