I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I cut my penus on the lid.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
