I wish life had little blips of pornography
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
