Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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