What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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