you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
