my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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